i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
