I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
