How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
