I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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