hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
