I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
