It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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