next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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