i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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