God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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