So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
