my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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