Taylor Swift is so right about you.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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