Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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