she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so explain again why im purple
no
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
