the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This house was built for laser tag.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
