..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
