Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk

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(605): View more from South Dakota

The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops

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(813): View more from Florida

The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.

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(408): View more from California

Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.

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