I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
