Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
