I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
