i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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