you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
