Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
