just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
