please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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