I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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