YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
