Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
