Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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