I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
