We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
