we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
