I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
