Already got asked if we're dating
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize