she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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