how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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