Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
