My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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