I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
