Duck Duck Cougar?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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