We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize