First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
