Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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