I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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