listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
