How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
