I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
