if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
