she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
