So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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