I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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