I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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