you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
