HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
