evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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