there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
