There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
