Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
