So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
