so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
