My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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