she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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