She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
