Those balls look pretty dangerous.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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