ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I could make wine with my vomit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize