Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
