First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize