He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize