not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize