Plan B is the new Plan A
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
