i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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