Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
