Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
