The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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