Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
