He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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