Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
