He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
