last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
People in love make me want to vomit
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
