Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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