she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
