On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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