So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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