I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
